It's May.
The first 4 months of 2012 zoomed by already.
And I think I really lived my first 4 months of 2012 in regret.
-
The first regret came about during the collection of o level results. Of course, my first reaction to my results were shock and delight. But the more I stares at my results, the more I could feel that little tinge of regret because I know that I could have done a lot more better than what I got.
The second regret came about during the release of posting results. When I saw that I was being posted to Psychology Studies, my first reaction was disappointment. I was really disappointed that I didn't get into Arts Business Management- my dream poly course ever since Ngee Ann started it in 2009. I've been dying to get into that course since it started, because I'm totally an Arts person. I dance, I do music, I like painting and photography, and I grew up in an environment where I was constantly surrounded by different forms of arts. So when posting results came out, I was really heartbroken to see that I got in to Psychology Studies. Not that I wasn't interested in Psychology, but my passion for it wasn't as strong as the passion I have for the Arts. I have never seen myself as a psychologist, so I really didn't know what could I expect myself to become in that course. But in the end I decided to go for it.
My third regret came when my paternal grandma passed away. I have never really seen her as my grandmother because since young, I always feel that she doesn't dote on me as much as my other cousins. My studies weren't that spectacular, my behavior wasn't that fantastic and I wasn't as lovable or obedient as my other cousins. So I really hated Chinese New Year because I don't like visiting my paternal relatives, because they were always the ones judging me and comparing me to my other cousins. But it was only when my grandmother passed away then I knew what she actually meant to me. I've learnt the piano for many years, but I have never performed a piece for her before. I dance, but she has never watched me performance before, except for my kindergarten graduation. So during the last day of her funeral service, these thoughts kept coming to mind and I really regretted not being a good grand daughter. It's always like this. People only treasure things or people when they leave. Isn't that a bit too late?
My fourth regret was Dance For Fun 2012. I don't know why, but I really feel that tinge of guilt and regret on that day when they released the results. I know I already did my best, but I just can't help feeling guilty and regretful for not helping our school to defend the Championship. I felt really bad, because I waste feeling well a day before the competition. And I wasn't there to mark my positions. Even though winning Second and Best Costume was already a great achievement, I can't help it but feel guilty that we didn't defend the Championship title. I felt like I disappointed my seniors and there was this "wtf why did I have to fall sick on the day before the competition and affect everything" feeling when we got our results. Firdaus saw me crying and came to comfort me. But he's the reason why I cried even more badly because I really look up to him, and I felt like I disappointed him. He said I already did my best, but I feel that my best wasn't enough for HMS to win champion again.
-
I hope that the remaining 8 months of 2012 will stop being a bitch and please be nicer to me, because if more shit happens, I really cannot take it anymore.
It's only the 3rd week of school and I'm dying. How am I going to survive 1 year in these modules, and 3 years in this course?
I really don't know.
If only I was a year younger, I can screw up these modules and transfer to Arts Business Management. But the sad thing is, I can't.
I cannot afford to waste another year. It will only be to my disadvantage.
I came to Ngee Ann for 2 reasons. One, for Arts Business Management and two, for NRA. Since the first one couldn't be fulfilled and I achieved my second one, I should be contented.
With that, all I can do now is to work hard, chill out, and breathe. I can work hard on my assignments, chill out with my HMS DFF'12 friends, but in the end, it all depends on me.
The first 4 months of 2012 zoomed by already.
And I think I really lived my first 4 months of 2012 in regret.
-
The first regret came about during the collection of o level results. Of course, my first reaction to my results were shock and delight. But the more I stares at my results, the more I could feel that little tinge of regret because I know that I could have done a lot more better than what I got.
The second regret came about during the release of posting results. When I saw that I was being posted to Psychology Studies, my first reaction was disappointment. I was really disappointed that I didn't get into Arts Business Management- my dream poly course ever since Ngee Ann started it in 2009. I've been dying to get into that course since it started, because I'm totally an Arts person. I dance, I do music, I like painting and photography, and I grew up in an environment where I was constantly surrounded by different forms of arts. So when posting results came out, I was really heartbroken to see that I got in to Psychology Studies. Not that I wasn't interested in Psychology, but my passion for it wasn't as strong as the passion I have for the Arts. I have never seen myself as a psychologist, so I really didn't know what could I expect myself to become in that course. But in the end I decided to go for it.
My third regret came when my paternal grandma passed away. I have never really seen her as my grandmother because since young, I always feel that she doesn't dote on me as much as my other cousins. My studies weren't that spectacular, my behavior wasn't that fantastic and I wasn't as lovable or obedient as my other cousins. So I really hated Chinese New Year because I don't like visiting my paternal relatives, because they were always the ones judging me and comparing me to my other cousins. But it was only when my grandmother passed away then I knew what she actually meant to me. I've learnt the piano for many years, but I have never performed a piece for her before. I dance, but she has never watched me performance before, except for my kindergarten graduation. So during the last day of her funeral service, these thoughts kept coming to mind and I really regretted not being a good grand daughter. It's always like this. People only treasure things or people when they leave. Isn't that a bit too late?
My fourth regret was Dance For Fun 2012. I don't know why, but I really feel that tinge of guilt and regret on that day when they released the results. I know I already did my best, but I just can't help feeling guilty and regretful for not helping our school to defend the Championship. I felt really bad, because I waste feeling well a day before the competition. And I wasn't there to mark my positions. Even though winning Second and Best Costume was already a great achievement, I can't help it but feel guilty that we didn't defend the Championship title. I felt like I disappointed my seniors and there was this "wtf why did I have to fall sick on the day before the competition and affect everything" feeling when we got our results. Firdaus saw me crying and came to comfort me. But he's the reason why I cried even more badly because I really look up to him, and I felt like I disappointed him. He said I already did my best, but I feel that my best wasn't enough for HMS to win champion again.
-
I hope that the remaining 8 months of 2012 will stop being a bitch and please be nicer to me, because if more shit happens, I really cannot take it anymore.
It's only the 3rd week of school and I'm dying. How am I going to survive 1 year in these modules, and 3 years in this course?
I really don't know.
If only I was a year younger, I can screw up these modules and transfer to Arts Business Management. But the sad thing is, I can't.
I cannot afford to waste another year. It will only be to my disadvantage.
I came to Ngee Ann for 2 reasons. One, for Arts Business Management and two, for NRA. Since the first one couldn't be fulfilled and I achieved my second one, I should be contented.
With that, all I can do now is to work hard, chill out, and breathe. I can work hard on my assignments, chill out with my HMS DFF'12 friends, but in the end, it all depends on me.
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